The answer to that question is Yes and No - read on to find out why and because this one realization alone could hold part of the key to your breakthrough weight loss success – it has for some of my clients.

The reason I’ve raised this (putting yourself first) issue is because it hovers like an umbrella over many of the smaller more specific issues that arise for some people. For example, “never having enough time or energy to lose weight”

To further clarify things let’s have a look at how this plays out….. In my work with clients – and I’m guessing you might be similar, one of the things that often comes up that undermines their best efforts to lose weight is variations of the idea that losing weight means they would have to put themselves first … Now that wouldn’t be a problem in and of itself except most people also relate that to being selfish – and we tend to have pretty strong feelings around that word which of course won’t let us go there. “I can’t be that selfish, my family/work is more important” – they need me…

“The signs”

Do you find that the day to day stuff involving both family, home life and/or work and “other’s needs” tend to always take precedence and fill up your day.

Do all of these sorts of things seem to get in the way of regular exercise and healthy eating?

Do you only get to yourself if everyone else is taken care of or you meet your own (or someone else s) expectations in your work.

With all this it appears too hard to be organized and do what’s required and if you did that would be “SELFISH” and you might even feel guilty if you do make time for yourself.

If you are starting to relate to this and can maybe see yourself in this picture then you may want to read on because I’ll let you in on how you can comfortably get past this common block to weight loss success.  And believe me it is a block – this is part of  what I call ‘the fat in your head’ and it’s actually a very common issue.

So will you need to put yourself first to lose weight?  

Firstly here’s the “yes” part – you will need to make you losing weight and what’s involved a priority in your life. Otherwise it simply won’t happen, it’ll just continue to take a back seat, get buried by life and/or be a short lived effort while your focus is new and determined. So this is part of the answer to your success –  you’ll need to do what you need to so that you sense losing weight as important and urgent i.e. something you need to address NOW.  In order to do this though; you will also need to be willing to make yourself a priority and there-in lies the crux of the problem.

The solution is to change or update your view 

Here is how you can begin to view things more usefully as opposed to feeling selfish about it, so that you can actually allow yourself to invest time in yourself and move forward. What’s actually  implied behind the scenes in “putting myself first” is what’s known as (either-or) thinking. It’s a rather childlike way we tend to inadvertently think that sets you up to feel that ‘it’s literally either you or them’ you need to realize that this is not really accurate. Firstly, if it were true, that would mean that all people who focus on their health and fitness are selfish and I’m pretty sure that’s not the case right? So that is the first thing to grasp.

Secondly I happen to know that you can and will increase your capacity to help others when you are the best you that you can be. How much can you truly help and influence your kids with limited energy, mobility, health and low self-esteem? You are kidding yourself if you think you are being optimally productive at work too – you probably make up for that by putting more time in. Then you have no energy left for yourself at the end of the day.

What are they all going to do if your health starts to suffer?

Realize that you need to shift your thinking away from “either-or” to “both-and”; meaning, for example, you’ll actually help others more when you are feeling great about yourself and you have more energy – what speaks loudest to others is what you demonstrate. So when you start helping yourself you’ll have much more of yourself available to help others – that’s what I mean by “both-and”. You already know this and the crazy thing is; most of the people that you give your time to (at the expense of yourself) would love to see you happier and healthier.

Are you valuing your self enough?

The bottom line may be that you don’t actually value yourself enough or feel worthy of the time and effort and that’s often part of the same mindset that stops you. Think about this though – if others are important then so are you. And if you are important to them then that makes you even more important doesn’t it? (Note; there may be self-esteem issues that are relevant here which is almost another level again – if you sense that might be you then look out for an upcoming posts on this subject and you’ll definitely want to take advantage of the free training and webinar that I have coming up later in October.

In the mean time here is another nice little change of perspective I find that works because it turns your thinking against itself – “Are you so special that everyone else is important but not you”? (I’m messing with you a bit now but it raises a good point doesn’t it) Do whatever you need to, to get your mind in a place where you have permission to give time to yourself and to nurture yourself because not just you but everyone concerned will be better off for it.

Especially if you are a busy mum with many people relying on you – it’s an important part of a balanced life. Otherwise if you are continually giving, you are emptying your energy but not refilling it and that is interestingly what I find to be a big part of many clients lack of energy.

Emotional eating also often stems from unmet needs and often that can be aspects of resentment (not so conscious) for never getting to you and not feeling nurtured.

In effect you are left with a bunch of convenient excuses for not helping yourself that are easy to justify and even feel genuine for as long as you continue to feed the old worn out thoughts like the ones we’ve just been discussing.

Realize that to look after yourself including putting in the time it takes to lose weight isn’t selfish, it would actually be selfish not to look after yourself.. is it selfish to look after your own health – why not simply look at it that way?

How to save yourself and those important to you…

Sometimes it just makes sense to put your self first!

What do they tell you to do if  you’re flying and there is an  emergency and those oxygen  masks drop down in front of  you? They tell you to put  your own mask on first and  then tend to your children.  So you see there are  situations where it is right to “put yourself first’ and I  suggest that your weight,  your health, your future is  one of those. The bottom line  is that you are no good to  anyone, no good to all the  people you continually  sacrifice your time, your life,  your self for if you are  compromised yourself. 

 Remember I said the answer  to whether you need to put  yourself first to lose weight is  YES and NO…

Well the NO! part of my answer to the original question really means no you actually don’t have to put yourself first because it’s not a competition, and it’s not a case of ‘you or them’. From now on simply don’t call it “putting yourself first” or selfish, instead, find something else that fits for you that makes it feel like something nice you are choosing to do for yourself that will also make you a better person in your relationships and in service to other

But i don’t want to become a selfish person 

Hey; if you have struggled in this area and still are, this might help too. In my own personal experience and that of clients of relevance, one thing that has become apparent is this; if you are reading and relating to this then you likely have pretty strong values that will ensure you are always considerate of others. So don’t be afraid that this adjustment in your perspective will suddenly thrust you into a world of selfishness. All I am inviting you to move towards is for you to be in a mindset that allows you to have a choice. So you can have the presence of mind to do for yourself what you would for others because you are worth it too…..

..they know that and it’s about time you did too.

Would love to hear your comments about this post .was it useful? – is this something that affects you or maybe someone you know?